Eleanor

Eleanor woke a couple of times in the night. It was nice to go in and have hugs and comfort her.

We had to get up quite early and go down to the hospital. Eleanor was happy enough. We read some books in the waiting room while the receptionist bantered with a doctor at the front desk. The story I read her was about finding a teddy bear in a tree.

Eleanor was processed efficiently. She put on a little blue gown and had a name tag strapped around her ankle. She wanted to play with the little boy in the next booth. She handed him a plastic cup. He held it for awhile and then passed it back.

Cathy went with Eleanor into the operating room. They gave Eleanor gas. Eleanor became heavier in Cathy's arms as she went away from us, as she vanished. Her mouth went slack. The doctor asked Cathy to leave.

When we went back to see Eleanor she was struggling in the arms of a nurse. She didn't know where she was or what she wanted to do. It was good to feel her fighting in my arms and hear her screaming, it sounded like: "I'm alive! I'm alive!"

After half and hour Eleanor was happy. She drank a bottle of milk and ate some toast. The doctor made reassuring noises and then we left.

Time and fate has its hands on us, and nothing can stop them from their work. All there really is to stop the fear is love.

Dear one, we love you.