Interlude II

Richard has distracted me. He inadvertantly hit on the idea of remote control toilets little knowing that they already exist. While I was in Japan I often went to the toliet (sometimes up to twice a month), and I was confronted by things like this on the wall where the toilet paper should have been (see above).

It's somehow especially annoying to be humiliated in a toilet cubicle. There is a great sense that pushing the wrong button could lead to things going terribly, terribly wrong. There are two things that are intimidating. One: how can there be so many buttons when all you want to do is flush the toilet? Two: Why is there an LED display?

Here is something from Wikipedia that really captures the snappy brilliance of the Japanese mind:

"Other features may include a heated seat; an automatic lid equipped with a proximity sensor, which opens and closes based on the location of the user. Some even play music to relax the user's sphincter (some Inax toilets, for example, play the first few tunes of Op. 62 Nr. 6 Frühlingslied by Felix Mendelssohn). Other features are automatic flushing, automatic air deodorizing, and a germ-resistant surface. A soft close feature slows the toilet lid down while closing so the lid does not slam onto the seat, or in some models, the toilet lid will close automatically a certain time after flushing. The most recent introduction is the ozone deodorant system that can quickly eliminate the smells. Also, the latest models store the times when the toilet is used and have a power saving mode that warms the toilet seat only during times when the toilet is likely to be used based on historic usage patterns. Some toilets also glow in the dark or may even have air conditioning below the rim for hot summer days. Another recent innovation is intelligent sensors that detect someone standing in front of the toilet and initiate an automatic raising of the lid (if the person is facing away from the toilet) or the lid and seat together (if someone is facing the toilet).

Recently, researchers have added medical sensors into these toilets, which can measure the blood sugar based on the urine, and also measure the pulse, blood pressure, and the body fat content of the user. Talking toilets that greet the user have also started to be made. Other measurements are currently being researched. This data may automatically be sent to a doctor through a built-in internet-capable cellular telephone. However, these devices are still very rare in Japan, and their future commercial success is difficult to predict. A voice-operated toilet that understands verbal commands is under development.

It is possible to use the water jet on a high-pressure setting for an enema, and some users take advantage of this to help them with their constipation. It is also reported that women may be sexually stimulated through the water jet."

Wikipedia: Toilets in Japan

Which makes you realise how hitting the wrong button could really affect your toilet experience. Thinking that you were simply flushing you could end up having your bowel cleansed or being inadvertantly sexually stimulated.

A further question: How did the Japanese toilet designers find out what kind of music is sphincter relaxing? The mind really boggles. What kind of person would sign up to an experiment that involved laxatives and classical music? How would Mendelssohn feel about his music being chosen as the most sphincter relaxing?

I knew a girl who went to the toilet at her Japanese friend's house and pushed the wrong button. She looked on in horror as her pee fountained back over her shoulder in a long jet and saturated the calendar on the toilet door behind her.