The way to make money is to invent something that becomes ubiquitous. Nobody would think of buying a TV that didn't come with a remote.
When I used to stay at my grandmother's place in Mosgiel she had an old TV. It had a quite nasty green synthetic dust cover. When you pulled it off you were confronted with the large wooden box that was the TV. You turned it on and then you went off to make a cup of Milo because it had to warm up. Then you came back and sipped your Milo and watched Coronation Street while your grandmother knitted. If you really had to change to the other channel you got up, walked over to the TV and pushed a button.
On the weekend I found a drawer of abandoned remote controls. They were all for old stereos. Because I have a small, easily distracted mind I thought: "Why is a TV remote indispensible, but a stereo remote unnecessary?" The answer is something like this: with a stereo you choose what you want, and you listen to it right the way through; with a TV someone else chooses what they think you might want to see (they're always wrong), and they chuck in heaps of ads. To get around not knowing what people want to see networks create hundreds of channels. To check that there is nothing on quickly you need a remote.
Conclusion: a remote is essential for a TV because TV is shit.
8 comments:
I resent the conclusion that you reached.
Why do you discriminate against television sets? Do you suffer from homophobia as well?
I wouldn't mind betting that you're sitting on a pile of personal problems.
People like you make me want to vomit!
did I over react?
A tad.
I stand by my conclusion.
Try not to over analyse. TV is shit. Seasons pass. Tax. Death. These things are inevitable.
Hey, does this mean you've got the remote for the stereo you gave Danyl that he gave me?
I bet it does.
Sony FH-G90AV, bro. Check it out.
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Also, TV is fantastic. Just not when you watch it with the ads.
I offer as evidence:
1. The Wire
2. Veronica Mars (Season 1)
3. Lost
4. Band of Brothers
5. Buffy
6. Twin Peaks (Season 1)
However, the general shape of your argument is sound.
Don't bring Danyl into this!
Ahh, old FH-G90AV, we had some good times.
No. This is proof that DVDs are great. Six shows? Six shows! That's like saying swimming in a septic tank is ok because sometimes you find a gold coin.
To be honest, I don't care, the thing about the remote controls is what struck me.
Richard, you don't even know who Danyl is.
A sterio remote is, in reality, like a gift at Christmas that you didn't expect. It is something to be cherished.
Here's the scenario:
Your Warehouse stereo packs up after a reasonable thirteen months of service (unfortunately just out of warranty). You decide to step up to a 'serious' machine... after all, you are a discerning listener. You enter a stereo shop only to find that the prices start at fifteen hundred dollars. Don't get me wrong, a person with an ear that is as astute as yours deserves the best. It's just that your wife is never going to buy this "nothing under a grand can do it for my ears" shit. Your wife suggests that a Warehouse stereo can easily be replaced by another Warehouse stereo. You defy her (very, very slightly) and head off to Dick Smith Eletronics where you find a more asthetic looking stereo... it is even designed to look a bit like one of those really expensive ones and (and this is what really makes you feel okay about the purchase) it even has a remote. For the first week you start and stop the stereo from all around the living room. After a while you place the remote in a drawer where it will be safe. You know that you can always retrieve it when it is needed... and it well be needed; one day... very soon. The technology behind remotes is far superior to that of the machines they are sold with. You are comforted by the fact that you will still have your stereo remote long after the machine is a distant memory. I'm currently looking for a toaster that comes with a remote.
What would a toaster remote actually do? I suppose you could mute it.
I really want a remote for my classroom. When there was a good bit we could rewind and play it in slow motion, I could turn my voice up and all their voices down, I could change channel, and... I could turn it all off and read a book instead.
A remote toaster is nothing to make fun about. A remote for a toaster would have a butter and a marmalade function. It would allow you to move to the computer in the other room and, at 'toast ready time', you would simply push the 'eject toast' button. You would then call out to your wife,
"Get the toast darling."
Women like to brag about how they can multi-task, so it would be no problem for her to go to the kitchen and get the toast.
I'm also thinking lately about a remote that would work the toilet.
It would only need a 'kick up the seat' key and a 'flush' key. It could be the simplest remote ever built. I might even add a 'clear blocked toilet' key.
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